25

On Friday the fourth of May I turned twenty five. Some people regard it as a bit of a landmark birthday and some don’t. I was a little worried as it’s almost regarded as the social norm to have your shit together by 25, the house and car, career paved out and a long term relationship with all the trimmings.

But life doesn’t really work like that. There is no cast iron plan, no set route for everyone to go down. Some people have the world as their oyster at 25. Some have a cat a reasonably paid job and still live with their mother. In fact I’m starting to think most are the latter now that the economy is not overly 90s baby friendly (85-99 to be specific… I suppose…) and is making it oh so bloody difficult to get a decent phone contract let alone a mortgage.

I’d like to think I’m in the ~semi shit together~ phase and I’ll probably stay there until I’m 30 if I’m honest. I moved back home to save for a mortgage and help my mum out a little. After about two months I met my now boyfriend and after 4 he moved in. Pretty fast I know but the circumstances surrounding us at the time pulled it all together. Along with him came his dog, a chest of drawers and a new bed. Shifting around the bedroom, fitting everything in, changing MY car into OUR car and MY home into OUR home. It somehow seemed to fit and fast forward 8 months and like an old couple watching telly in bed at night with the dog by my side and a cup of tea!

As expected I spent my birthday with my boyfriend and family. I went to lakeside shopping centre, which if you haven’t been, is huge and has a cinema and 4 storey Primark for starters. It’s situated in Thurrock, Essex and from where I live on the south coast it’s journey to it consists of going through the Dartford Crossing (a tunnel going under the Thames river) and on the ghastly M25 but it makes up for it when you can spend an entire day there and have lunch on the lake in the sunshine.

I also had a meal with my family and my boyfriends family which was lovely and thankfully I had wonderful weather for the entire weekend of my birthday. As English people do when it’s sunny we had a family BBQ and got out the paddling pool for the little ones.

I suppose most of this post is really me just verifying to myself that it doesn’t matter that I haven’t got the money for a mortgage yet, that we aren’t engaged to be wed or pregnant. Everyone has there own time for things in life and mine is perhaps slower than some but equally as important and maybe even faster than others. It’s entirely personalised to each individual. As you get older I think your birthday is less about celebrations and more about the next upcoming year of your life. What you might achieve, memories and experiences. Having a good knees up helps to go through those though!

I guess what I’m saying is just do you. The only person that matters in your past, present and future is yourself. Without you there is none of those nice things or experiences. Your twenties are about finding yourself and learning the world. Learning what suits you, what doesn’t, compromising and how to walk away from things that don’t benefit you. It doesn’t matter if your shit isn’t quite together. Nobody should judge you so don’t judge yourself.

My first 25 was eventful. I’m sure the next will be even more so.

CA x

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GIVEAWAY TIME!

In order to boost my site and my Facebook and show you guys how I intend to keep going with this I have decided to run a giveaway!

The prizes will be a little bundle of goodies from TAM beauty, the owners of MAKEUP REVOLUTION:

1 x GLOSS LIP KITS  in ORIGINAL (nude)

2 x METALLIC LIP KITS in EMPRESS (gold) and IN WAITING (pink)

1 x ‘CAPRICORN’ compact brow and eyeshadow palette.

1 x LIP LACQUER in VAMP (purple)

And one set of dramatic faux mink lashes! (Not from TAM though!)

 

 

 

GIVE AWAY RULES – 

  1. LIKE MY FACEBOOK > HERE < and like this post on the page
  2. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE >HERE<

 

Give away closes 21st March at 7pm GMT. Must complete both actions to be entered. Winners will be contacted via email.

Good luck!

CA x

 

We have a domain!

Hello you lovely lot,

 

We have a domain! I can officially welcome you all to charlottexamy.com, my official website.

This blog is acting as somewhat of a lifeline to me and building my self confidence a little with each post. Challenging myself with articles such as facehate – is that a thing? and post a no make up selfie was my most daring thing to date, but it has boosted my esteem no end. I am looking to post YouTube videos shortly as well, I have been filming, but those who know anything about me will know that I am very much a perfectionist and will not release anything until it’s exactly as I want it.

Any ideas for YouTube videos and ongoing posts will be gratefully appreciated, obviously, the Am I Crazy? chronicles will be an ongoing project and I will be updating you all with those, but please drop me a message, facebook me or email me should you wish to give me any ideas, contribute with me or advertise on this blog.

Many thanks for your ongoing support

Happy Sunday!

 

CA x

 

“Am I Crazy?” II

So I published the first chronicle. What did you think? A brief introduction into what on Earth is going on in my little bean head. To be fair to you, I’m still not fully sure. All I know is that my brain isn’t coping quite as well as I’d wanted it to right now so I’m being brave and seeking help (again).

I wanted to blog every step because I think it’s important. I think it’s really important that regardless of my gender, age, ethnicity and whatever other features they want to base mental health stats on, people can read something and think “yeah I agree” or “I had that feeling earlier” or better yet, sees that it is a struggle for someone else but that you can get help, and does so.

Let’s start with the obviously big elephant in the room, depression. Some throw the word like it’s the same as being sad, and it used to infuriate me until I realised that it’s by no fault of their own that they have never understood what depression is and the fact that it’s not just one emotion and definitely not just being sad. I’ve watched videos about how depression is a black dog that follows you around like your shadow or a big black cloud that follows you around. That’s not my interpretation though.

I think it is whatever the hell it wants to be. Sometimes I forget I have it. That sounds crazy in itself right? The medical definition of depression is “prolonged low mood for a period of two weeks or more” so naturally you’d be right to think you kind of have to be sad 24/7? Right? Not always. Depression is different for each person.

It’s smiling and joining in, hiding away and declining contact.

It’s eating very little if at all and it’s eating so much you make yourself nauseous or physically sick.

It’s not getting out of bed for days on end and it’s bounding our straight away just to make someone else happy.

Depression manifests itself in many ways and we can’t always prevent the illness. But we can show people we love them. We can hug and talk and laugh and all those things we find so trivial on a day to day basis. Because those things are the things that might bring someone away from the edge, further from the trigger, you get where I’m going with this…

My depression is up and down. Some days I hate everything and I starve (unintentionally) myself and stay in bed. Other days I’m happy to do everything for everyone else, some days I’m strong and I think “I’m gonna be selfish today like all my doctors have always told me” and then I feel guilty. Food can be a curse as your appetite is like a yo-yo so you never know where you stand.

My other pain in the ass attribute to my depression is insomnia. Isn’t insomnia a b*tch?! I mean seriously, who invited her to the party.

Insomnia is my worst friend. I say friend because she’s incredibly loyal to me and she rarely lets me down. But she is a complete nightmare and I severely dislike her presence. Thank you sweet baby Jesus for David Attenborough, that’s all I can say.

Like a perfect set of twins, depression has a sibling that likes to pop in every now and again. You’ll find that a fair few people who have depression also have anxiety. Anxiety has a whole umbrella of different types and I couldn’t possibly speak for those who have different types of anxiety to myself. I have mixed anxiety and usually I am trigger by crowds, waiting, confrontation, shouting and clinical spaces (to name a few). My hands are pretty much permanently clammy and I have headaches quite a lot. One of my main physical symptoms is a wonderful stammer and I live up to the phrase “cat got your tongue”. As many do, I’ll get the knotting in my stomach, sweats, hot and cold flushes and fight or flight response when entering an anxiety attack, if I don’t respond to my body then I hyperventilate and enter panic.

Despite having regular anxiety attacks I have only had one panic in three weeks (woo!) and I’m pretty good at hiding things in public or removing myself/avoidance. But I realised that doing that can’t always be the answer and so I’m going back for help.

Due to recent events I believe my PTSD has flared resulting in the anxiety and depression being bad. Talking therapies help me to process and programme my brain (talk therapies are brilliant if you’re an analytical person) so fingers crossed when I see the team in March I can have another referral to a higher level MH practitioner and have this as my last stay in the system.

I will update further once I have attended an appointment but until then, “Am I Crazy?” Chronicles part II is complete.

CA x

Facehate. That’s a thing right?

I am a 24-year-old woman. Why am I still having facial skin care issues at this age? Scrap that, why am I having so many body skincare issues at this age? Because I’m human and not Photoshopped. Not that easy convincing yourself that you’re not that bad-looking though is it?

I have had struggles with my face and skin care routine since I was a young teen. Admittedly at 15/16 I wasn’t as concerned as I should have been about removing my make up and cleansing my skin and with that came blemishes and blackheads. I used to be so insecure that I would sleep with make up on when friends were round, even if I had known them for years, I’d never leave my room without foundation and mascara at least and you’d be lucky if I ever arrived anywhere on time due to it.

I have used more chemicals than you could imagine and probably altered my skins pH levels so many times it doesn’t know what the hell is going on, but I have finally found a regime that works for me and I am rapidly clearing my skin.

Mario Badescu. I had never heard of Mario Badescu until I saw it by chance on BeautyBay when I was looking for make up. I figured I might as well try it considering I’d tried most big brands to little satisfaction (Garnier, Simple, Nivea) and it wasn’t too expensive for the amount of product. My first purchase was the ‘acne starter kit‘ which composed of a toner, a sample of drying cream, an oil free moisturizer and a facial cleanser. I used the cleanser every day and alternated between the moisturiser and toner. The drying cream was used twice a week on problem areas and around my nose (hello oily!) to help dry out spots and blemishes in turn making them go down quicker and removing excess oil from my face.

After about two weeks I started seeing a difference in my face.

I’ve since then purchased the drying cream in a larger tub as it’s brilliant as an all over cream in a thin layer or to spot on areas. I’ve also purchased the drying mask which I put on before I go to bed at night and the buffering lotion which is also superb for acne and blemishes.

I’m still not brave enough to go out without make up but I started this blog on the premise that it would help me improve on my self-love and hopefully help others, so it’s only fair that I do the scary things publicly too! Below is two images, my face when it’s made up to how I like, photo ready and camera angles how I like and natural, no product and lots of imperfections, I’m currently blessed with a few hormone spots and the rest of my face is discolouration, pigmentation and scarring.

 

 

This is the first time I have posted completely make up free with no filters so please be kind! I will learn to like myself for all my guts and glory, right now I’m not quite there but some days, I don’t feel quite that bad either!

I have started venturing into the world of home made skin care and plant based, and will be doing some videos in the upcoming months about my skin care journey and products I am making/using.

However, with all of this, I still believe that the most important thing you and I can learn is to embrace ourselves for what we are, not to penalize ourselves for what we are not.

CA x

Current favourite eye palettes

If you have headed over here from my Instagram then you would have seen my little hint of one of my favourite palettes at the moment… but did you guess who made it and what the palette was?

 

I have a top three of my current favourites and to be frank, I really can’t decide between the three! Instead, I will leave the final review down to yourselves, I do use these palettes on a regular basis and my main looks are smokey eyes, neutral browns and pinks and obviously glitter. If you want to see any of these looks or a tutorial of how I wear the palette/s please leave me a comment on this post or my Facebook page and I will try to create something for you guys.

 

 

Urban Decay – NAKED3 – RRP £39.50

 

12 different shades, all neutral and smokey, which is right up my street. Each matte shade is accompanied by a glitter counterpart, which makes it easy for make up beginners as well as the more experienced. My go to base colours are beige and brown so this suits me perfectly and the glitter shades are super pigmented but not OTT so brilliant for a day wear and moving into a casual evening. This is the most expensive of all three, but considering the durability and the length of wear from each application I don’t think you can go wrong. I had wanted one for ages before this one was generously purchased for me.

w7 Make up – SMOKIN’ – RRP £9.95

 

 

 

w7 are definitely an underdog when it comes to the make up industry. However, an underdog not to be messed with! I have numerous palettes from w7 and all of them have the same consistency as the high-end brands and the same thick colourful pigment. This is my go to for a more dramatic eyeshadow, and is therefore not used as much as the other two palettes, the gun-metal grey is my favourite for a smokey eye and I often add excess glitter (courtesy of NYX glitter pots) to dramatise the look even more. Can you say no to an eyeshadow palette under £10 that dupes the big brands? Definitely not.

 

Morphe – Jaclyn Hill Palette – RRP £37.00

 

KWEEN. Morphe are bossin’ the make up industry and I am feelin’ it! Collabs with artists or brand influencers usually leaves me on the fence as sometimes they can be a bit outrageous and contain a lot of colours I have never been brave enough to venture into (yellow, pink I’m talking to you…) but this palette is beautiful. Jaclyn Hill has worked her magic on the colour choices and Morphe have upped the game. When this palette was released it was constantly sold out. The eyeshadows are pretty big and the palette it’s nearly 3x the height of an Urban Decay palette. There is an excessive amount of choice, and again, there is mattes and glitter shade. All of the bases you could possibly need and all of the glitters to match! I have even delved into the world of greens and blues, giving myself mermaid make up, and my, I love this palette and the sassy confidence it gives you! At £37.00 it isn’t too pricey and for the size, quality and collab alone, I’d happily pay £10 more.

 

What do you think of my favourites? What are yours? Let me know in the comments!

 

 

CA x