Why I cut my hair (…and other stories)

Recently I took it upon myself to cut approximately six inches from my hair to make it sit just at my shoulders. Lots of people have asked me why I cut it so impulsively, what made me do it, why did I decide to e.t.c and I have always maintained that I did so because it was irritating me and we were mid heat wave of the hottest summer on English weather records. The reality is that it’s pretty different to that and as someone who is appalling at lying and utterly finds it disgusting, it’s been eating me up that I’ve been fibbing to people. The trouble is that most people fib about this kind of thing.

The thing I’m referring to, the aura that I haven’t mentioned almost like it’s Lord Voldemort is my mental health. Lots of people have different names for their mental health, for the disorders or for their feelings.

When some people get stressed or pushed to a level that they can’t maintain a positive mental health, they can become reckless and go on mad shopping sprees, or book holidays. Some people hide away and recluse, some people self-harm and some people feel so vulnerable that they completely break down. The reality is that every person on this planet deals with their emotions differently, some don’t even deal with them at all. I, however seek physical change to release my stress, or change my state of mind. I effectively cut my hair when my mental health is bad, or I colour it, add extensions in, you name it, I have probably done it.

Sakura-Dama-55-b-1

So this time I cut my hair. Difference was it was shorter than I’d ever cut it before, there was no caution at all this time, I literally just picked up a pair of scissors and cut. I was visiting my mum who had quickly popped out and I just did it. My mum came home completely surprised at what I’d done in the brief time she had been away and tried to help me straighten it up so it didn’t look so choppy and amateur, naturally it still did because neither of us are hairdressers or remotely trained to do anything with scissors.

It really didn’t look great but I’d temporarily told myself I was happy with it because each time I cut a strand a little more stress left my body and to me that improved my confidence so I really didn’t care. It was then pointed out to me that it was oddly shaped and choppy still and I knew I needed to get it sorted to make it look better, because there wasn’t really any more hair to cut unless I started shaving the next time I got too stressed. I got my hair cut and because of how I’d hacked at it before it needed reconstructing almost and making into an actual hairstyle. That meant I needed to have a bob. Once it was cut in I realised that as gorgeous as the haircut was,  it wasn’t what I wanted at all, in fact, I realised I should have spoken to someone about my feelings rather than cutting my hair in the first place. Unfortunately you can’t re stick hair together after it’s been cut off, you just have to leave it to grow so I’m just patiently waiting for it to be long enough for me to either get extensions or naturally grow it myself.

The basics of this situation are the same that many, many, people go through on a daily basis. I was lucky in an aspect that I cut my hair, something I know will eventually get back to what it once was. Other people are not as lucky. Some people bottle things up until their stresses and mental health levels hit such a low that they see no other light or resolution other than them not being there or harming themselves physically/mentally. I have had my fair share of crying myself to sleep over my hair, not just because I cut it but because I let things eat me up and toy with my opinions of myself amongst other things, when I just wish I were strong enough at the time to approach someone. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I also fully understand that some do not have support networks like I do, and some seriously damage themselves.

 

My point that I’m trying to make is, what if it wasn’t my hair? What if I went further? And that then leads me to think of the thousands of people who do often go further because they need to release what their brain is doing/thinking. I’d like to ask everyone to be more neighbourly and not in the Ned Flanders way. Make sure you allow your friends and family to speak to you if they need to. If they have something on their mind that’s eating them up let them pour it out to you with no incoming judgement. Love your friends and family, and strangers a like, with the love you would expect from them. You really never know who is hurting unless you make yourself available to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend, a hand to hold. Please don’t ridicule what people’s stresses are! what is a mountain for one is a mole hill for another. It doesn’t mean that people are more effected or less effected by events than you, it just means they deal with things differently. Be patient, be kind.

 

 

CA x

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